Things As They Are

I'll tell you what.  I do consider myself extremely fortunate to even be in the position that I'm in now, regardless of what I may say later in this post.  To be able to save my marriage, get on my feet and try to establish control or even regain control over my life and HAVE a life again...is refreshing.  Obviously, there are a myriad of things that do bother me:

• Mom freaking out, basically so "afraid" that I'm going to "ask for money" blah blah blah...I know it's my fault in a lot of ways...I am the one who caused the financial problems which led to a lot of shit, up to and including the "Shellcident" and Mom's current emotional state, not to mention how she thinks of me
• Having to get a job.  It's going to be tough, regardless.  I just can't think about that
• Doing the above with two shitty cars, bad credit, etc
• Our monthly bills just have to change.  Obviously we are coming off a very bad situation, where most of our monthly bills have either been inflated due to reconnect charges/returned checks/just being behind/ and/or because of the time of year in which they are always higher (Elec in summer/water in summer/etc).  Food remains a big black hole.  We (I) have just GOT to sit down and figure out some cost effective ways to lower the food bill and eat healthier.  NOW.  The information I have based the food "budget" on has always been suspect, mostly outdated...and probably just wrong.
• We've got to start cleaning up our credit.  NOW.
• I have to start sweeping every day, regardless

I still feel sick to my stomach that I have to face this with zero help with Mom regarding a car or anything.