I feel like a freaking idiot. In more than one way. For starters...going back to last Friday (10/26). After swearing I wouldn't do it again...I did it. And in more than one way, it was my fault again. I might not have started it (can't remember)...but I certainly egged it on. The more I thought about "toys"...the madder I got.
In some ways, she still has never acknowledged what I was talking about during our argument of Saturday night 10/20...which relates to part of the argument of 10/13 as well. The main point being it's "ok" for her to get away so she can have her long interludes of hours upon hours of fucking. At the same time, it can never be that way here. She relaxes and unwinds (fucking and otherwise) by drinking and "getting away". As it is, I NEVER get the chance to have her that way. At all. I almost get the feeling that she really doesn't care about getting our son out of bed...even after Jolene leaves. It has been discussed, to some extent...but I'm not really sure what her position is...and above all..."so what, we're married".
At any rate, plenty of the arguments that have happened over the past 6 weeks or so have been my fault...either through miscommunication, misunderstanding...hurt feelings (sometimes possibly for good reason...sometimes perhaps not). But there are a few things she has left unanswered, and for the most part, I've felt unable to broach the topic again. And that's not good. Sweeping something that's important to either one of us under the carpet is never good, but we have several times. Basically just to end the argument...and I can't see how that's fair.
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