Where Am I? (As Opposed to 6 weeks Ago)

That's a very good question, and a very fair question.  In some ways, I feel better.  In other ways...well...

• In some ways, I feel better...perhaps overall, I feel better.  In other ways, things have hit me like a rock.  I've made my share of mistakes in reaction to things.  Sometimes towards things I have seen (that I shouldn't have), others...to things that have been said.  I can't tell you what a kick in the overall nuts (male pride) it has been to hear her repeatedly say how awesome sex is with C-man.  Not to mention knowing, without fail...that I can't (with few exceptions) even play on a level field.  I don't think that's fair...and yet I can't even bring it up without her throwing a fit.  Not to mention her not wanting to make Todd feel "left out".  I blame myself, and I hate myself for allowing it to EVER come to this to make me realize the things I have been missing.  If things work out - great, we have a lifetime to spend together.  If not...what a class A dumbass I've been.  In some ways...anyways.
• I suppose, if you had to sum it all up...I'm actually very proud of where we are, considering where we started from 6/8+ weeks ago (the distinction being 6 weeks ago yesterday since I found "out"/8 weeks ago yesterday since "the first big blowup recently"+ - anytime beyond that where things were REALLY going bad.).  All of the blowups we have had have been regarding "others" and various miscommunications/etc regarding that.
• In short, the one big problem I have...and it's not even regarding sex with others.  Bearing in mind that accepting sex with others is invariably going to lead to comparisons.  It just so happens that right now, 6 weeks later - it's one guy