Strange, When I Think About It

So very much as changed...yes, I guess specifically in the last 5-7 weeks...but things have just been...strange as far as time goes.  5 weeks + now since "reunification".  3 weeks since we left for the UFC fights...3.5 since the Cowboy game...4 weeks since the Ranger game.  Everything seems a bit unreal..because it has been.  I think things have finally calmed down (knock on wood)...I don't know - is this the new "normal"?  Then there's things like the "buff guy" incident at 24hr fitness.  I think one thing is perfectly clear...something like that COULD happen...I've always felt that.  I think the only thing holding her back is 1) going to Mexican bars 2)lack of self esteem (or something else).  Like she said...she didn't want to lock eyes because he was "so buff and so good looking".  I know, (I think...I'm pretty sure)that she loves me...but at this point, how much of that love have I regained and how much does she value it over being either on the arm of a stud and/or rich guy?  If there's one thing that I've learned - never take anyone or anything for granted.  I'm talking about being paranoid or anxiety-filled (at least like I have been), but...sometimes I wonder.  I guess out of all the things I worry about, it's these things the most:

• I do what I'm supposed to do...but whether or not I work out and or lose weight...well?  I strongly doubt she will ever let herself get out of shape...at least not anywhere close to resembling what she was before...so I figure in some way, shape, form or fashion...I will be compelled to do something similar.  I may never work out like she does...but one never knows.  For the first time in years, unfortunately...I feel a need to make myself look a helluva lot better.  
• She meets someone rich or at least relatively upper middle class...and leaves.  If not for love, then for security.
• She meets someone REALLY hot...I mean, regardless of what she does or doesn't do from here on out...it could happen...especially someone like she was talking about today, where they are very "buff and hot" now but in the recent past they weren't...and probably have had self esteem issues as well.

Well, that may or may not be a comprehensive list...I got bored/distracted/whatever...and kind of lost interest in the topic...or at least enough to make me not want to sit there and figure out all the stuff I had planned to say in the first place.

 Make no mistake, however...5 weeks later, this is still a brand new ballgame.  Sometimes I feel like I'm comfortable...but in reality, nothing at all in our relationship/life is the same...at least for now.  I spend a lot more time trying to be around her when she's home.  I'm not necessarily talking about sex...although that does happen quite a bit.  My being around her is something I think she's still a little bit surprised about.  As a matter of fact, other than us going to the Halloween party this weekend...which really is a pretty big deal, she's out and about Saturday and Sunday.  That normally is not going to happen.  I'm not quite sure what a "normal" weekend will entail these days...just one of many things I/we are starting to see and understand.