Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I Shouldn't Feel Bad...

...but I do.

I still have my family.  My beautiful, loving wife and my son.  We still have our house.  I almost lost them all.  I certainly don't miss the way it was, but at least financially - it's still much of the same.  I hope that can change, soon.  A lot of it is financial.  I need some things...to be able to get a haircut, some decent somewhat "stylish" clothes that fit good...

I find myself kind of wishing I had someone on the side like Shelly does/did/will again soon...but I know right now I don't have much self confidence between weight and teeth.  I don't think it will change anything, I don't know what it will take to get Shelly to enjoy sex with me like she does on the outside.  I don't really want to be with anyone else.  Sexually or emotionally.   Somehow, I guess it would do us both some good.  With my anxiety now, I seem to be worse than ever at getting things done.  Scratch that, I know I am.  I do enjoy Shelly fucking other men...but I hope it's not that way forever.  I Love Her...can't believe sometimes that we are at this point....enjoying it sometimes, but scared, alone and afraid others.

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