What I Don't Like ...(and other things)

Some of the arguments have really gotten big lately.  Last weekend, this weekend...very big.  Overall, in the last 2.5 weeks I have packed shit/etc and was ready to leave.  I'm almost embarrassed when I look at it or thing about it.  At the same time...it is rather remarkable that we are where we are.  That sounds like a contradiction, and it is, to some extent.  I don't know that we will ever make it.  I used to think that "Love" would allow you to work things out...I know that it somehow played a part in us sticking together throughout this...and somehow it kept Shelly here for a a long time before trouble started brewing...

I also know that she did both drop "hints" and begged me do do things to help out.  What do you do when someone is as far down as I have been, though?  I guess...perhaps this.

I think this post was headed elsewhere in my head when I started thinking about it.  It was more like what causes some of the insecurities/anxiety/questions in my mind...

• First and foremost...I'm the one with the most pressure.  I'm the one that was cheated on and has to prove things, make things better...getting a job and/or providing an income/etc.  Sure, Shelly has to adapt in a lot of ways that even I can't imagine...but still.
• She is much hotter than me.  Nuff said.
• The sex inequity.  In several ways - that she's hotter than me, that she's having it on the outside and I'm not, that she doesn't get much of a thrill from it with me and I do with her...(and thus the many problems associated with that such as not as much concern with the lack of privacy at home/times/etc)
• Not as relevant any more...the constant messaging (since I don't see it, I don't know...but I do know)
• Fear of her either unexpectedly finding someone else and leaving through romantic encounters...or just up and deciding that she wants to move on and then having it happen