Mistake? Make It Or Break It?

Well, I don't know.  So far this hasn't been a hugely successful week, although I have concluded a few things...at least for now.

I felt so much better, in a way, when I just told Michelle to get a little crazy and do what she wanted...surprisingly so.  There was something about it that just made me feel good.  Yes, it made me horny, too.  Honestly, it does turn me on...the fact is, I never expected to be here.  Once we got here after the "incident", Sunday (I think it was Sunday...as a matter of fact, I'm sure it was because it was before she went to the paint place) - I realized now was the time for a little experimentation.  It is kind of refreshing...and since we're already here...let's experiment with a little "controlled" craziness for awhile. 

For how long?  I don't know.  Who knows?  For one thing, I'm not actively "experimenting".  I really have no way to meet women (really), although I guess if I really tried I could.  Despite what Michelle says, and I don't think she's lying to me, it's a matter of seeing your partner in a certain way - I don't think I could "score" anything I'd be proud of right now.  Confidence wise and looks wise.  So it is going to remain one-sided...for awhile.  That could cause problems.  There are lots of things that COULD happen...and...if she does "meet and keep" a few guys...especially leading up to her birthday...how do we handle that?  She's gone 3-4 nights a week for a rendezvous with each one?  Doubt she would expect that...but still, it could cause problems...I'll have to talk to her about that, because I do want some limits.  When I went totally "open", I did not mean unlimited visits to each guy.  I meant she could basically screw anybody she wants...and I don't think we discussed "visitation".  And...if I think I'm jealous now...what about when she has a few guys on the side, even if for awhile?  I do trust her (mostly) - but as we have discussed - you don't know what you are going to feel about somebody.  Anyway...we just need to see how it goes and discuss limits on visitations, etc.

As far as the lying...don't try to rationalize it, but she did hurt my feelings again today.  I shouldn't have looked - but she already knew earlier that she was going and she had asked to take cali.