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Incredibly, I am just beginning to realize some things.

I have always put Shelly up on a pedestal since September 2012.  I felt so much guilt over things that led up to then...that I took the blame for everything - almost without question.  And I did deserve quite a bit.  I think it's only been over a period of time -  especially the past few weeks - that it just dawned on me how I may have been responsible for  a lot of shit leading up to then for various reasons, but she did absolutely nothing before she slunk off to cheat.  And zero afterwards.  It's everything I've been saying lately.  And I am sick and tired of being treated that way and won't accept it.  She won't accept that she is responsible and/or she doesn't care.  So here we sit and down the gutter we'll go, I'm quite sure.  There were other ways then and now - and she chooses not to pursue them.  Until she does, we have zero to talk about.  Regardless of whether or not I have a job.  She chose this route, not me.  And I refuse to do it this way any more.