What To Think, What To Do & When To Do It

Honestly, I have been a complete basket case as expected.  Not quite as bad as last week, but I guess even more confusion (somewhat) this week.  I say confusion...yes, I could say that.  Since last weekend we've had a couple of chats that were certainly different in outcomes.  I have to say this:  without a doubt, it is very confusing and  overwhelming to us both.  I think obviously we wish it hadn't happened, and that's a fact.  However, if for some reason the sale was postponed or canceled instead of going back to the bank or someone else - I'm not sure she would do bk.  I'm not sure of anything right now.  The fact of the matter remains that I started all of this, and I'm the one that is going to be ABSOLUTELY "homeless" regardlesss of anything else.  At least Shelly has a  place to stay.   Nothing is really being discussed between work and 2nd job and concerts.

Seeing as how we wouldn't even be living together, that means I either have to find a job/place to stay up here soon or go to Mom's.  Bottom line.  There are issues - big time - and even when we had discussed initial arrangements (or initial the several followups)...I was hearing things like no guarantees, then no sex...which is a shocker.  I have several smaller BIG issues that need to be taken care of asap - legal vehicle/warrants/contacts/bp - And then job.  There is nothing I can really do until I get at the very least warrants lifted and obviously legal vehicle to keep from repeating that mistake.  I think I somewhat knew this...but somehow I was thinking about apply apply (even though I hadn't). I would like to make some kind of progress on this, and obviously just applying doesn't mean a call for an interview...things could be arranged.

Back to Shelly though - like I said, I've gotten the lowdown and it does not look good.  I have to face the fact at the very least...there will be a several month adjustment period where due to living arrangements and such - we will be apart and there won't be much in the way of anything.  I'll need to get a job asap...and it may not for the first time be to please her.  I've said it again and again but it bears repeating - obviously I was so angry I just did not stop to think of the ramifications - neither of us did.  I am so stupid it's not even funny.  How often do I do the same thing, only to back down.  Only this time, we have no house.