Reality Of The Situation

I don't know anything for sure.  That much I can say for sure.  (pun intended).

I have done a lot of thinking the past few weeks and certainly have experienced many ups and downs, just like Shelly has.  And for various reasons - I think I should probably keep my mouth shut for as long as I'm up here (Til somewhere around the first/etc).  For one thing, I'm dependent on her for $$.  Now that might sound kind of shitty - but I am providing a service - cash 4 keys.   The jury's still out on whether or not that will be worth it.  Plus - if I can get my shit together to some extent, perhaps I can at least get some good ideas/set up some things and have them in place/etc - as opposed to just fucking around the entire time I have left up here - being forced to go to Mom's and down there with no internet/etc.

I doubt seriously I will be able to tolerate the "free little Shelly" type attitude that she has - more or less depending upon how she acts when I'm around/what we have discussed/what I'm doing (job wise/etc).  I think I'll be a basket case, period.

To some extent - perhaps it is unreasonable of me to expect anything less.  We will be separated, after all.  There are issues on both sides, and it is very obvious regardless of what I have said about finances/the way she acted towards me (especially early on) etc - it just goes in one ear and out the other.  She can be very stubborn and she does have some valid points.

Who knows?  Who fucking knows?  It's certainly going to be an uphill battle, no matter what.  Just for me to get a freaking job, much less anything else.  That much is certain.


Update:  Wednesday, August 21, 2013

One thing's for sure.  You never can tell.  But even as I was saying almost sarcastically the other day - people change over time due to circumstances.  Shelly has.  I'm not even sure the person  who used to love me is there any more at all.  Regardless - people change and feelings change over a period of time.  At one point, yeah - I thought we were something special.  I thought she "got me".  I can't say that I know for sure any more.  Furthermore, I'm not sure I could blame her if she was no longer that way.  That's just the way it is.  No more, no less.  To be honest,  I just have this sick little feeling in the pit of my stomach that it just ain't going to work.