For Whatever It's Worth

Unless something dramatic happens, or I change my mind...

I just think I'm going to have to play hardball.  Of course,  in doing so - do I really believe there will be a difference?  That she will give a different response?  Well - after her response the other day, I wouldn't think so - so this will mean the end of it.  I don't want anyone telling me what to do.  WTF
Update:  August 17, 2013

Well, it's done.  And despite some of the usual statements from both sides, I think perhaps she COULD understand a little bit better why I could not get a job and do what I needed to do.  Doesn't mean she accepts it nor will it matter in the long run.  But in what could be perhaps her last message to me on the subject ever, or at least the most heartfelt and meaningful without all the accusations or hurt (my last message first and then her response):

Todd:
And that's a crying damn shame because I really do love you more than ever.  I never wanted anything more in my life than to make things right for you - and treat you like a goddess that I think you are.  but I was never, ever going to be able to within the constraints you placed upon me - that's rather obvious.  I just couldn't function like that.  And I apologize because I wish I had been able to.  I wanted to soooo bad but I was just a freaking basket case because of everything that was going on.

Shelly:
Yes. It is.  We both love each other so much. Yet we still couldn't make it. It's heart breaking.


And that's the way it goes, I guess.  Just like I said.  Two people involved in something that they couldn't fix, no matter what.  We will just go down in the books as another marriage that lasted 18 years and then a divorce - like millions of others before us.  Nobody will care, nobody will give a shit after awhile.

I think I might be overstating things.  She could have fixed things if she wanted.  She held the key then and now.  She didn't want to then and she doesn't now, regardless of what that last message said.
So that, apparently, is that.  I have no idea what "issues" she refers to.  If there are issues, that's something she has never told me.  Regardless, it doesn't matter.  She just obviously never could bring herself to fix things the right way.  I just don't care what she says.  She wasn't that far gone, I tell you what.


Update:  8/17/2013 @ 11:35 pm

I tell you what - I guess I will be divorced soon - but I will never, ever have to deal with that shit again.  For her to say those things to me  about loving me - and hear how much pain she caused me -and suggest that I go back to exactly that situation?  Sorry, no.  To say that I'm at a loss for words is to be too mild.