More Thoughts On Stuf

According to Boo Quarles, I "lived on a lot of luck and a lot of groceries".  That may be true, but I was always a day late and a dollar short when it came to dealing with anything else.  Either I knew it was coming and couldn't deal with it and chose not to or I was too busy concentrating on the wrong stuff.  Just like now.  Obviously, I can help myself with some of the stuff that's going on.

Shelly has it different.  She has a job.  Two jobs.  And she doesn't have the luxury of deciding whether or not to deal with something.  To make a long story short,  I can't see what I have to offer, now or even as a memory for her to try.  There were mistakes made all around, and it's too late to change them now.  Even if one took a step backward, got away from the situation and analyzed it honestly.

She may miss me, sometimes when there's something that needs to be dealt with that she can't handle.  Or on those rare occasions when she sees something or thinks of something that reminds her of me - but I would tend to think those times will be few and far between.  I have some hard choices to make as well, especially about getting a job and a place to live and just making something of myself, whatever that might be.  And it will be extremely, extremely difficult.

To make a long story short, I'm not quite sure where we stand right now - but I guess it doesn't really matter.  There is a long, difficult, challenging road ahead.  These times right now are heavily charged emotionally - with the knowledge that difficult choices are needed to be made to move forward, yet still clinging to the past.  It's just not that simple.  No one can promise anything in regards to feelings, so even if they are made now, it wouldn't be fair and far too easy to change later anyway.  Even if something were said/promised/agreed up now/things are changing so much there's just no way to ensure that either one of us would feel that way in a few months.  Shelly does have it different.  She's got Todd but she's also already got a support network in place (friends/job/etc) and she will be moving forward a lot more quickly than I, regardless of anything.  I'm sure I will struggle to find a job, much less do anything else.  I guess that's just the way it is.