and sheer stupidity, as I've noted plenty of other times. The thought that just flashed through my mind was that on top of everything else, how stupid it was that over the last year I never did one single thing to give myself options in case of divorce. Not out of belief nothing would ever happen...
That's how fucked up I am in this whole situation. Of course, as I am thinking now and have been...(hopefully this is temporary... but...) what does it matter if I had "given myself options"? Options such as what? Preparing to get out of the relationship itself so I wouldn't feel so bad? Yeah, I think there is something wrong with that statement. Such as everything.
That's not necessarily true. That's just based on the way I feel now, which is someone who feels bad enough that they could not pick themselves up from 9+ years of unemployment and feeling guilt and shame growing every day that I could not help provide income to my family. Knowing that sooner or later it would mean this day was coming if I didn't. And still not doing it. And feeling it every day since September 2012 when the commitment was made to work things out. And ever since that day, being in over our heads.
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