I guess I just can't stand it. Otherwise why would I send those emails. You could look at the whole thing or just get the synopsis: It's fucked up. I know it's fucked up. We both could have done more - but she wasn't willing to put into it anymore what needed to be put into it to give us a chance - and we failed. Miserably and predictably.
After 50 years of age, this is only the second time I'l have to deal with someone being gone that I wished was still around. And obviously the first and only divorce. And that's just the way it is, no more, no less. It's hard to say why at one point I thought this would never happen to me, but when it did...boy,did it ever. And for it to be so complete, so final.
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