Saddened, Frustrated, & Concerned

Obviously, there are..."issues" I have with just about everything moving forward.  None the least of which is getting a job - which there is no getting around this time.  I've said this in different ways over the past couple of weeks, started to talk about more in depth a few times only just to close down the blog in frustration.  Whatever she says - and sometimes the details vary but the gist of it remains the same - I just don't know that I will ever be able to tolerate it am pretty convinced that I shouldn't have to - with the exception that technically we are separated, although that could be changed at any time if she so desired.  Things have been weird, overwhelming, emotional - you name it.  For both of us.  Stupid little things that aren't so stupid, really, like if she went down to Keene tonight or whatever.  She's off tomorrow - she could be out with Siobhan for all I know.  Or fucking what's his name JR - who I really have lost a lot of respect for.  But I digress.  I don't even think she's in "shape" so to speak for "action"...but if not, it's only a matter of time.  I just don't think the things she has said - if she really means them and carries them out - separation indefinitely, doing whatever she wants to do when she wants to  without "anyone telling her what to do"...