Predictable.

Utterly and completely.  I could not expect anything different.  So I guess that's just the way it is supposed to happen/going to happen.  People change to the point where spouses/things/whatever no longer have the  same meaning, if any.  I am powerless to change anything about the situation.  When I had the chance, circumstances...helped dictate that I would not be able to make the most of my situation.  I have lost the love of my life and my son.  Now I have nothing and no reason to be - except that I am still here and must find a reason.

I guess my...failing was my complete and utter belief that I could overcome everything - when there was too much to overcome.  I am not surprised of the outcome.  It is final and will never change, I know.  There will be no second chance, no reprieve, no happy ending.  There's just an ending.  I came to the last page of the book and was utterly astonished, because I was certain there had to be more pages.  I  frantically flipped through it again and again - desperately trying to find something - anything. I just  knew I must have missed something that would give me a clue as to the ending, but I found none.

Life goes on, even though we won't - and I won't for a very long time.  I thought somehow,, someway - that I/we were better than this, that we would find a way.  I was wrong.  Humbled.