Today

Not that I am "fooled" so to speak - now that sounds mean, I don't mean there is any malicious intent - that's more for myself than anything else.  I think she's merely playing off my email from this morning.  Now - I certainly mean the financial part.  And essentially the rest - I do, if that's what it takes.  Besides the financial and otherwise - which I have no control over anyway.  The intent, perhaps - was to somewhat free her of the responsibility she felt to not make me take it so hard by leaving the door open slightly.  Well - I tell you what.  There is nothing I can do here or within a few weeks to bring around reconciliation.  It would have to be over several months and for her to realize that she missed me and wanted me - along with me taking care of some of my business.

So what does this mean.  The Pukka gen?  Nothing, as of right now.  Proceed as stated yesterday, and see how she reacts and if she says anything about the email helping free her mind.

You know-I did send the email kind of fishing to see how she would respond.  It could range anywhere from nothing being different to her saying "Whew.  You don't know how much better that makes me feel to have to pretend that you still had a chance in order not to make you feel so bad".  I hope not.

My guess?  My guess is we've seen the last night we'll ever spend together as a couple.  She might not file for awhile out of respect - but she has now what she has wanted for the last year.  To go out and do whatever with whomever and not have to justify herself.  I'm not saying she didn't give me a chance.  She did - and once she had the strength to do it she's going to follow through all the way.  It doesn't matter if I start making 100K a year.  The sooner I realize that, as much as it kills me, the better.  Otherwise, I don't think there would be the stipulation of "no sex".  Now let's see - you're horny all the time - fuck fuck fuck everywhere else but not me?  If that wasn't by design, it's the next best thing.  Eyes opened/case closed.

I really hope I'm wrong.  I guess it's going to be hard to tell, unless she comes right out and tells me.  She was so chatty today.  Like the lines of communication had opened up after my email.  Could be coincidence, but I think not.

I think it goes something like this:  She is mostly pissed because of the house.  That is the cherry on top of everything else.  Plus the "not sexually attracted to" bit must get a bit old, seeing  as how she is so horny all the time.  Might as well get someone you are horny for instead.  I guess that's where at least some of the respect comes in - either that or just wanting to keep the nuclear family together and keep boys on the side.  But the house thing was kinda like her deadline.  But for her to say "no guarantees" when really she means "nothing"...